The Edge
by YuukiSynical
Summary: The edge… It was so, so close. And when he found it, he would be free. Tw: Suicide Attempt One shot


**I was being really angsty and this kind of spilled out. hahah. Yeah. **

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The edge… It was so, so close. And when he found it, he would be free.

When trolls saw him, they saw a loser. A stoner. An unacceptable excuse. When he saw them, he put on a smile, but it wasn't anything true. They would insult him, and he would smile. They would push at his happiness, and he would smile harder. Inside, he was dying. How could they hate him so much? What did he do wrong? Why did the people he called friends, brothers and sisters, insist that he was worthless. Was it because his lusus had left him? Because the one being that was supposed to love him unconditionally and take care of him just up and swam away forever? That must have been it.

Because, if his lusus couldn't love him, then he must not be worth it. Right?

He grabbed his knees and cried. How could anyone love him? Or like him. Or even STAND him. He couldn't stand himself. To be left with his self was the worst thing he could think of. All he would do was whisper things, horrid things into his mind. Show him images of his friends laughing at him. All the names they call him. How much they hate him. And he whispers "WHY DONT YOU HATE THEM BACK". He shakes his head harshly. He wouldn't do that. He couldn't have anyone else hate him. Maybe, if he was a good troll goatdad would come back. Maybe, if he was a good troll, his friends would like him. Maybe, if he was a good troll, the voices would go away. And he could smile. For real this time!

Looking up, he saw his hive. He saw the empty bottles everywhere. The bicycle horns. The unicycle that he couldn't even ride. The cobwebs. No one visited him, so why should he clean? No one cared about him anyway. But that was okay. They were busy. They didn't have time to deal with a pathetic clown. They didn't have time for him. He was a waste of space anyway. Why would he try to be a waste of time too? He sighed, stood. He started walking to the back door. Maybe…maybe if he got some fresh air it would seem a little better. Opening the door with a loud squeak, wincing as it swung open. Was the moon always that bright? Stepping out, he didn't even bother to shut the door. What was the point? He lived so far away from anyone, it wasn't like anyone would wander in. Maybe it would clear out the stale air in there.

Walking to the edge of his overgrown lawn ring, he reached the cliff and sat down on the edge. Taking a deep breath, he sighed. The smell of the sea was wonderful. He never could get enough of it, even living right next to it. He closed his eyes and kept breathing deeply. And suddenly…

A thought. Out of nowhere, came a thought. If he was such a waste of space, why not rid the world of himself? No one would have to deal with his bullshit anymore. He wouldn't have to hear their disappointment. And goat dad wouldn't have to try and keep his promise. And. And he would be at peace. The voices would stop. He wouldn't have to fuzz them out anymore. It was perfect! He could leave his doors open, so wild lusii could come in and have a place to stay. His overly huge hive could be of use, finally. He smiled, really smiled, for the first time since he was really really small. He stood quickly, light on his feet. His smile stayed, and his eyes were bright. He finally had a plan that would help everyone! He almost bounced back to his hive, and when he got back in, he looked around. He glimpsed his husk top. Should he message everyone goodbye? No, they'd just be upset he wasted their time. It would be okay. He walked slowly through his hive, opening all the doors. He wanted to make sure the lusii would have enough room! Door after door after door, squeaking, opening. Once he reached the last of them, he walked back to the front. Taking a deep breath, smiling for real. He could finally make everyone happy! He walked up to the front door and opened it wide. He stuck a horn under it, wedging it open to make sure they could all get in easily. He stood and turned in a full circle, checking his work. Perfect.

Almost bouncing with happiness again, he walked out his back door, back to his beautiful view atop the cliff. Closing his eyes, smiling for the last time, he stepped forward and-

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DO YOU WANT TO FALL OFF?" Karkat. His eyes opened and he saw Karkat's small hand encircling his wrist. They traveled all the way up to Karkat's face, and, to his surprise, it was full of concern. He could feel tears welling up of their own volition, and he knew the moment they spilled over, because horror crossed Karkat's face. But instead of yelling, he pulled Gamzee closer and hugged him. Tightly. Gamzee started sobbing, and fell to his knees. He tried to curl into a ball, but Karkat wouldn't let him. He could feel Karkat rubbing on his back, and his soft paps as he tried to get him to calm down.

"ITS OK GAMZEE, YOULL BE OKAY. IM HERE FOR YOU. ILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU." Gamzee buried his face into Karkat's sweatered shoulder, and sobbed.

Maybe, if Karkat could like him, it would be worth hanging on.


End file.
